Farewell, Dad...until we meet again.

Saying I've had a rough last month and a half would be an understatement. I lost my dad.

As a child, I scratched "Dad" into the surface of my dad's jewelry box.
I found it in a drawer on Sunday; I had all but forgotten about it.

He had a stroke on May 1, ironically the first day of stroke awareness month. After a few weeks of gradual decline, my dad's health turned critical and we knew he wouldn't be around much longer. He was placed on hospice and passed away early in the morning on June 8. I was able to be there and I'm so glad I got to spend these last few weeks with him.

As the weeks passed, it became increasingly more difficult for my dad to
talk, so he did a lot of hand-holding.

All six of us kids (I'm the baby), my mom, and my dad.

We buried him a week ago today.

While I had prepared myself for his passing, I didn't realize I would feel like this after his death. The ache I have for his loss is terribly poignant and strikes at odd moments throughout the day: in a work meeting, watching TV, reading a book to my daughter, singing bedtime songs. I miss my dad so much it hurts.

My parents would have celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary in August. My dad would have turned 75 in September.

Despite the crushing weight of mourning for him, I know I will see my dad again. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm a Mormon. Because of that, I know that life continues beyond the grave. That belief certainly doesn't take away or lessen the pain here and now of not having my dad physically on earth, but it is incredibly comforting to know death is not the end.

For his birthday last year, I made him this mini quilt. He always sung the Lionel Richie song when he called me on the phone. I took the mini quilt home last week and hung it on the wall by my bed. I will be turning it into a pillow so I can hold and squeeze it when I'm feeling low.

I sewed a little bit on Monday and it felt like the first time in a really long time. It's amazing how things you love drop down on the priority list when the things you love the most are in jeopardy. Sewing is therapeutic for me though so I hope to get back into the swing of things in the coming days and weeks.