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| As a child, I scratched "Dad" into the surface of my dad's jewelry box. I found it in a drawer on Sunday; I had all but forgotten about it. |
He had a stroke on May 1, ironically the first day of stroke awareness month. After a few weeks of gradual decline, my dad's health turned critical and we knew he wouldn't be around much longer. He was placed on hospice and passed away early in the morning on June 8. I was able to be there and I'm so glad I got to spend these last few weeks with him.
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| As the weeks passed, it became increasingly more difficult for my dad to talk, so he did a lot of hand-holding. |
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| All six of us kids (I'm the baby), my mom, and my dad. |
We buried him a week ago today.
While I had prepared myself for his passing, I didn't realize I would feel like this after his death. The ache I have for his loss is terribly poignant and strikes at odd moments throughout the day: in a work meeting, watching TV, reading a book to my daughter, singing bedtime songs. I miss my dad so much it hurts.
My parents would have celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary in August. My dad would have turned 75 in September.
My parents would have celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary in August. My dad would have turned 75 in September.
Despite the crushing weight of mourning for him, I know I will see my dad again. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm a Mormon. Because of that, I know that life continues beyond the grave. That belief certainly doesn't take away or lessen the pain here and now of not having my dad physically on earth, but it is incredibly comforting to know death is not the end.
For his birthday last year, I made him this mini quilt. He always sung the Lionel Richie song when he called me on the phone. I took the mini quilt home last week and hung it on the wall by my bed. I will be turning it into a pillow so I can hold and squeeze it when I'm feeling low.
I sewed a little bit on Monday and it felt like the first time in a really long time. It's amazing how things you love drop down on the priority list when the things you love the most are in jeopardy. Sewing is therapeutic for me though so I hope to get back into the swing of things in the coming days and weeks.
8 comments:
Oh Brooke, I'm so so sorry. :( You can feel the love for your dad through this post. It made me realize it's been too long since I've picked up the phone and called my parents.
Much love to you and your family.
I'm so sorry for your loss...bless you and your family during this tough time...
I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's passing. Good for you putting your thoughts and grief into words and sharing them, I think sharing your grief an important part of the grieving process. Ten years later, I still have those same kinds of moments you mention where for a moment, I forget he's gone, only to remember all over again and feel that ache anew. Please know I'm thinking about you and your family, and sending strength your way.
My heartfelt condolences! My parents were married 52 years when my dad passed away. He too called every day around 5:00pm; and if anything really newsworthy, - he'd call more often especially hoping to get one of our children on the phone - they were usually more detailed... we laugh about it to this day. Thank you for sharing, my heart really goes out to you...keep the memories close - especially love the mini quilt.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It is never easy to lose a parent. Life is just different.
Love the photo of you holding your dad's hand. I hope he calls you in your dreams to tell you how much he loves you.
Brooke,
You are our daddy's little girl for sure. You have a way with words just like Dad did. I'm so thankful you are my sister. I loved to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. He'd always call just to tell me that he loved me. I miss him everyday, but I also know that we will be together again because Families are Forever.
So very sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family.
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